Update

Haven't used this in a while. It might do me some good to get some stuff out though.

I guess the thing that's heaviest on my mind at the moment is me and April breaking up. I really do miss her, and I'm kind of worried. I'm afraid of not just the typical stuff like if I'll find someone but what if this changes me for the worse? I don't want to fall into a depression or anything over it, and so far I'm fairly certain I haven't. What if I do though? What if I get really depressed about it and just can't deal with it for years or something?

It's been about 5 months. I feel like this next one is going to be the deciding factor on that. If I can go 6 months without any serious depression over it, I should be fine, right?

I'm also worried about putting her on a pedestal and comparing all the other girls I meet to her. I've been on a few dates with a few other girls and so far that's what I keep doing. I compare the new girl to April and in my mind she never measures up. This just might be though that I need to give it more time before I date again. Maybe it's not that they don't measure up, it's just that I don't like them that much anyway. I just wish I knew because it's the guessing and hypothesizing that's killing me.

I try to keep busy because of it. I only really think of her if I'm alone and not doing anything, so I'm trying to keep that to a minimum. I'm going to be pretty busy from now on though, so maybe that's a good thing.

I got the internship I wanted. I had my first day, which I felt kind of bad about because I just went so horribly slow with what turned out to be a really easy task. The problem was that I had never done anything like it before. I had no idea how to make a PDF file, but I learned through trial and error. I think what I should have done was have my mentor just completely walk me through the first one.

Basically I had to make PDF files of book covers and their interiors. I only had to do 4 and it took me most of the day because there are just so many steps involved. Each step was something I had to learn about and wanted to teach myself so that I'd remember better. I think that might have been a mistake because once I got the first one all together, the other three were done in a fraction of the time. It was such as easy assignment it shouldn't have taken me so long.

I can blame a little on the computers though. Mine crapped out halfway through, so I had to start over on another one. And on each computer I had to get clearance to use a certain program so I had to talk to the IT guy twice. He seemed kind of annoyed, but oh well.

I'm also writing sketches for the show that all my austin friends want to put on public access. It's called "We Did It" and so far I've got one complete sketch, ready to be filmed and another awaitng it's final review. I have to write my 3rd tomorrow and also hopefully revise one that needs a overhual. I'm really excited about all of this because it's just so fun and I think I'm actually good at it. It's also actually completing something, which I can't really say I've ever done.

Speaking of completing stuff, I found out today that I've got more school than I thought I did. Not loads like a whole year or anything, but maybe another semester. The only thing I know is that I can't graduate this semester. If I want to take full loads over the mini and summer semesters I can do it by the end of summer. Do I really want to take that much in such a short time? I mean we're talking like 3 classes of 4 hours a day or something like that. On the other hand, we're also talking graduating in the fall which means finding an apartment in either here or Austin, putting up with all of this for another alomst year.

Do I want to graduate in 6 months? Or 11 months? I have until March 30th to decide. I honestly don't know what to do.

Something I'm wondering is if I can graduate in the winter, but still get a job that last semester. A real job, is what I mean. What if I apply to a place, like where I'm working now for my internship and I just do half days on M-W or something while I take care of those last one or two classes I would need after doing a few summer classes? I need to find that out.

It's late though. There's time for that later. I just need to keep on moving and keep on trying for now. I know I'm going to get through all this and I'm going to be fine, I just wish that the time for all that was now and not as much later as it is.