Monday, April 13, 2009

sleep troubles

I've been having some shitty insomnia these last 6 or so months. I just don't want to sleep, you know? And time just keeps slipping by me before I really know what's up.

Tonight for instance, I worked out a little bit from about 11:30 to after midnight. After that I went back to my apartment, and I guess just hung out and watched TV or something, but at around 1 I realized I really wanted to do some laundry. I washed my bedsheets, and a set of clothes for work tomorrow (later today) and that took me until 3:30. At that point I was watching Starship Troopers, a horrible movie that I've seen several times, but just felt compelled to keep watching because I honestly didn't want to go to bed. I finally put my sheets back on, but I know I just have to get up in like 2 hours any...so I might as well blog.

I know it's not really insomnia though. I think I'm using it like most people use Bi polar or Anti-Social. Honestly, I'm just having trouble sleeping because I'm depressed about certain aspects of my life. If I were really an insomniac I'd stay up for like, 3 days strait before my body finally just shuts down momentarily to sleep. Instead, I'll probably get about an hour and a half of sleep tonight and be really tiered throughout the day. I might go to MASS* and take a nap there, but I always feel like a dick when I do that. Alternatively I might just sleep in my car in the parking lot of my work, or if I think I can, just drive home and take a nap there. I'll have things I can do...but won't because I just won't feel like it and I'll probably stay up too late and the cycle will begin anew.

This will might only continue until summer, but I could see this lasting until I graduate. My god it's going to be so long until I graduate. It's not going to happen until December. That's another 8 whole months away. Although, I'll probably mess something up and have to stay another semester so that's even longer. I really want to go back to community college where I at least don't feel like I'm throwing money down a hole.

Saturday, April 4, 2009